TNA Wrestling IMPACT RECAP 5/18/2006
TNA had a Pay-Per-View last night. I was more medicore than anything else. The matches that went well did and the bad matches weren't as bad as I thought in some cases. Since my TNA IMPACT recaps are long enough, I'm not doing an entire Pay-Per-View. Here are some of my brief thoughts along with some new rules.
World X Cup Tournament (Round 2): Jushin “Thunder” Liger defeated Petey Williams.
This match was criminally short and I was none too happy when power problems prevented me from seeing the ending. Plus I didn't like Team Japan interfering. Canada is supposed to be the heels. Where were they in all this (DUD)
NWA World Tag Team Champions, America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm) defeated AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels.
Fantastic match. Just what I expected except for another stupid ending. Memo to TNA: Heels can win cleanly once in a while. Try it some time. It may actually work. Now I don't want to go off on a rant but this interference crap in TNA is ridiculous. WWE isn't much better but it seems like every match in TNA has some sort of interference and I am damn sick and tired of it. So here's out first new rule: Any title match with interference that directly affects the outcome and I deem to be stupid will be an automatic DUD from me. This becomes important later. (DUD, would have been **** without the interference)
Raven defeated A1.
Raven looks bad. Horrible. I have no idea why he's even in there. Three things. He's fat. He's balding and his hair is ugly. I think even the crowd sensed something was up. Raven should be dumped as quickly as possible in favor of better talent who can maybe not screw up their own finisher (DUD)
Bobby Roode defeated Rhino
Okay, Rhino is going to ECW. And I say meh. He's just okay in the ring and WWE ruined his ora five years ago. TNA probably would have pushed him but Christian Cage's sudden rise puts Rhino on the back burner. Roode is a great young talent but he uses too many rest holds for my taste. TNA needs a great technical wrestler for the heavyweight division so that they can teach these youngsters how to work. Jerry Lynn made A.J. Styles a 1000x times better in the summer of 2002 simply by working with him and teaching him flow and pace. This match was okay and I can sort of justify interference here. (**)
The James Gang (BG James & Kip James) defeated Team 3D (Brother Ray & Brother Devon).
Maybe it was my lowered expectations for this match, but I enjoyed this a lot. Two stale teams had a fun match and of course we get a bad ending. The James gang uses a pipe to win the match this prolonging this feud another match where we will get some "Pipe on a Pole" match or something. Anyway (**)
World X Cup Tournament (Finals – Gauntlet Match): Petey Williams defeated Puma, to tie Team USA at 5 points. The other participants were Minoru Tanaka, Chris Sabin, Hiroki Goto, Incognito, Johnny Devine, Sonjay Dutt, Black Tiger, Magno, Eric Young, Alex Shelley, Jushin “Thunder” Liger, Shocker, Tyson Dux, and Jay Lethal.
I read way too much into the dissension between Williams and D'Amore last month I guess. This was pretty good for what it was. Nash making a token appearance was ho-hum. Much like the World X Cuo turned out to be.
Sting & TNA X-Division Champion, Samoa Joe defeated Jeff Jarrett & Scott Steiner
Steiner and Sting brought their working boots tonight and boy did it show. This turned out to be one of the better matches on the card with great booking, great psychology and the right ending Samoa Joe, welcome to the main event. So of course TNA ruins it by having Joe looking weak against Steiner and Jarrett when they attacked Sting. (***1/2)
Another memo to TNA: The crowd LOVES Samoa Joe. He's not a muscle-bound stiff. He can wrestle anyone and wrestles stiff as hell. Because of stuff like UFC and MMA, he has also been embraced because his style is that of that type of fighter. The crowd will always cheer Joe no matter what. That doesn't mean you turn him into Rikishi but he should have saved Sting if for no other reason than to prove that he can take both Jarrett and Steiner.
Full Metal Mayhem Match: NWA World Heavyweight Champion, Christian Cage defeated Abyss.
This match was a bit of a disappointment because I wanted this to be a big epic match with great bumps and insane moves, but this match didn't get enough time and these guys did not look like they were at the top of their game. I did like when TNA showed the guys coming to the ring before the match. Now do it every time. And get a real ring announcer (I hate Borash and David Penzer) to do ring introductions. Hell have Tenay do it. The ending to this match was good though as Mitchell got tacked and Abyss was soundly beaten (***)
Final Thoughts: This was an okay Pay Per View The endings to the matches were terrible. and the Liger match was criminally short (and not seen by anyone not in the arena) This was very bush league stuff and this summer will be huge.
So huge in fact that I will only watch TNA until September 1, 2006. They have until this day to prove to me that they can get their shit together. If before then or on that day I feel that they've done improvements with the booking and television show I will continue to watch and recap. If they don't I'm making a clean break for six months.
For every IMPACT I give a 7.0, the deadline is extended one week. For every PPV that I give a 7.0 the deadline is extended two weeks. And if TNA gets a permanent 2-hour time slot at any point, the deadline is cancelled. Three months you have TNA. Tick-tock-tick-tock.
Final Rating: 5.5 (Deadline still at September 1, 2006)
Well, here we go again with a fresh set of tapings. God hoping these are better but I am certainly not holding my breath. After the Pay-Per-View, we have a tie between Canada and the United States in the World X Cup. Team captains Chris Sabin and Petey Williams will settle the score and put this dog to sleep mercifully. The 4-year anniversary Pay-Per-View is also coming up known as Slammiversary with the special “King of the Mountain” match coming up. Who will the other four men besides Christian be? Who will win the World X Cup? Does anyone actually care? Well let’s hope for the best as we begin another recap.
A Parental Advisory Warning is shown before we start? Well at least they’re trying to protect the kids from seeing bad booking in action. Now all they need is a warning before Kevin Nash comes on so that I can change the channel.
Sacrifice’s video package is shown with highlights of some of the matches. Almost made the Pay-Per-View look exciting. Almost.
Newly taped live from Orlando, Florida
Your hosts are Yin (Mike Tenay) and Yang (Don West)
The NWA Champion Christian Cage comes out and he’s actually got the belt. He goes into the crowd or as he calls it, The Peep Zone. Not to be confused with peep shows located in Miami. Solid chant started by the crowd. Christian says this was the second biggest victory of his career behind the victory over Jarrett. Says the title is for the fans. Goes into the ring and talks about the upcoming match, “King of the Mountain” where the champion has never retained. He wants to know his challengers now. “The Alpha Male” Monte Brown is back and I don’t care. Still a bad finisher. Still a horrible promo. Raven, Ron Killings, and Rhino are shown. Jeff Jarrett and Scott Stieiner come out. Because Jarrett is part-owner, he gets to talk. Not that I listen but the thought was there. Sting is in the rafters and if he jumps at all, I’m done. Owen Hart anyone? Larry Zbysko comes on the IMPACT-Tron and announces there will be 4 qualifying matches to determine the challengers for the “King of the Mountain.” And the 8 wrestlers mentioned will not know their opponent until seconds before the match.
Tenay and West want answers about why Samoa Joe turned his back on Sting. This bring up an interesting point considering Sting’s history with partners.
Late 1989-1990- The Four Horsemen- turned on him when Sting wanted to challenge Ric Flair
1991- Nikita Koloff- Turned on him
1995- Ric Flair- Turned on him and reformed the Horsemen
1996- Arn Anderson Lex Luger and Ric Flair- They turned their backs on him
1997- Randy Savage- turned on him to go to the NWO
1998- NWO Wolfpac- turned on him to back with NWO Black and White
1999- Elizabeth- Turned on him to go back with Lex Luger
Notice the pattern! Sting is an idiot at choosing partners. They always turn on him. Samoa Joe is just another member of the “I turned on Sting” club. This doesn’t include Hulk Hogan going to the NWO.
Christy Hemme promotes the World X Cup match. At least she’s earning her paycheck.
COMMERCIAL BREAK- A “See No Evil” commercial once again airs. After reading reviews of “The Da Vinci Code,” I think I’ll stay home and wash my hair. At least I’ll save 10 bucks.
Hey Mr. Mortal Kombat himself (Senshi) will wrestle next week. Will he wrestle Sub-Zero or go straight to Shang Tsung?
We take a look at the World X Cup standings. The United States and Canada are each tied with 5. Mexico got 4 and Japan got 3.
World X Cup Finals Team U.S.A (Chris Sabin) vs. Team Canada (Petey Williams w/ Scott D’Amore
Referee Rudy Charles sends Team Canada to the back. Larry Zbysko thinks this match is important. Apparently, he’s the only one who does. A fast-paced match develops with Williams getting his “Oh Canada” move (foot on the nuts in the corner). L.A.X is at ringside and apparently refuses to wrestle. Best news I’ve heard all day. Sabin gets a springboard dropkick as Kevin Nash chokes some poor guy to get into the arena. So that’s how he does it!
COMMERCIAL BREAK- HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS? I DON’T CARE ABOUT “SEE NO EVIL.” Anyone who pays to see this movie should be subjected to a marathon of Kevin Nash matches. And they have to watch every single Oz match in history. That’ll stop’em.
Come back with Sabin in control. Payback with Sabin putting his foot on William’s nuts and starting the National Anthem. Hesitation Dropkick followed by a powerbomb. Springboard misses as Williams comes back. Sharpshooter quickly reversed. Same with the Canadian Destroyer and Cradleshock. Williams hits the side Russian legsweep. Williams comes off and Sabin gets the cradleshock for 3.
Winner: Chris Sabin thus making Team U.S.A the World X Cup Winners. WE FINALLY WON SOMETHING! FORGET OLYMPIC BASKETBALL! FORGET THE WBC! HELL, FORGET THE WORLD CUP. WE’VE THE MORE IMPORTANT CUP, THE WORLD X CUP! USA! USA!
Rating: **1/2, Good match. Nothing more to say really. I actually enjoyed it.
Of course Kevin Nash ruins it by beating up Sabin afterwards. Wow, the trophy gets destroyed? In wrestling? That’s only happened about 10 or 15,000 times in this business. And shouldn’t it be a cup? Nash powerbombs Sabin and says some smart ass comment. One day I’m going to write a piece about how Nash and his little “kliq” have ruined wrestling. Team U.S.A and Jerry Lynn come out to help Sabin. Shelley leaves with Nash in a weird moment.
Jeremy Borash talks about the tension backstage with all of the championship contenders. Abyss and Monte Brown are shown. Scott Steiner is shown and he threatens Borash. Dammit Jarret, let him go! This is the one time roid rage is okay. I’ve waited 6 years for this. Borash is a putz who deserves to be beaten up and Jarrett prevents it.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Tenay calls the tonight’s show unpredictable. What happens if you read the spoilers already? Replay of Nash beating up Sabin including a bloody Sabin being shown. Steiner comes out and this time threatens Don West. You know, I’m actually liking this guy. I may even stop making fun of him… Nah! Samoa Joe comes out and Steiner decides to have another staredown with him. Steiner shows his mucles. Joe shows his… fat?
Non-title Match: Samoa Joe (X Division Champion) vs. Chase Stevens (getting squashed for the second consecutive week)
The most notable thing I can say about this match is referee Mark “Slick” Johnson is actually wearing shorts. This is a squash. And not a good one either. Joe wins with a choke. Let’s move quickly.
Winner: Samoa Joe
Rating: DUD
Joe goes after Stevens some more but Andy Douglass comes out to save his tag team partner. Shane Douglas, who just got out of rehab for painkillers and other assorted drugs, comes out and looks curious. Is it because Andy uses two S’s or are they potential drug dealers? Okay, too far.
Christy Hemme appears again and says the first “King of the Mountain” qualifier is next. Well, if she says it, I take it as gospel. Playboy playmates never lie. Except in Hugh Hefner’s bed.
COMMERCIAL BREAK- They’ve made a “Blade” television series. Just keep Triple H, Parker Posey, Ryan Reynolds, and the dumbass who played Dracula faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar away and it might not suck.
Borash Interview with Team 3-D. Ray sends out a plea not to bring back ECW as I cross them off the list of potential talent. Ray says better Devon’s shoulder than his that got hit with the pipe. It’s cause he’s black, isn’t it? Time to call out the Old Age Outlaws. They have wrestling matches? Hey just cause Rey does a dropkick doesn’t make it wrestling. Ray says, “If you can swing it, bring it!” EWWWWWWWW! Well we apparently have a rematch for Slammiversary. “Oh you didn’t know! This match is gonna SUUUUUUUUUUUUCK IT!” It will either be “First Blood” or “Last Team Standing.”
Abyss walks out with no James Mitchell. Christian put Mitchell into a bed of tacks last Sunday. His opponent is Rhino. Hey, we’ve only seen this match a thousand times, what’s another one?
King of the Moutain Qualifier: Abyss vs. Rhyno
Rhino and Abyss surprisingly start out by brawling. I’m stunned. These two technical marvels, resorting to fisticuffs.
COMMERCIAL BREAK- See No Evil. I’m going to go “Kane” on someone if they mention this fucking movie ever again.
More brawling by the two best technical wrestlers. So disappointed by these two. They are on the outside before Abyss takes full control with a series of restholds meant to kill time. Cut to the end as we have interference yet again. Rhino sets up for the gore but Bobby Roode runs in. DQ? Oh no, we only have those in street fights. Silly question you ask. Scott D’Amore gets flopped in and of course Abyss gets the “Black Hole” slam for 3.
Winner: Abyss
Rating: *- These two guys have fought so many times before and had better matches that this felt like a time-killer rather than an actual match. 60 minute television shows should not contain so many rest holds.
D’Amore yells and even slaps Rhino a few times to ends show. Crappy ending to a decent show.
Recap of what she just saw and a hypefest for next week.
Final Thoughts: This felt like a better show. Some okay wrestling to start but the main event hurt a lot. And the other match was a squash so really the wrestling was a bit light this week. However, I must once again give credit where credit is due. As much as I disagree with booking, the Pay-Per-Views always turn out to be well-organized and we already have a direction. We also have a worthy champion, unlike WWE Smackdown.
See, JBL is scheduled to once become WWE champion this week. Despite the fact that he tanked, he’s getting another run with the belt. Rey Mysterio was used to exploit the death of Eddie Guererro, one of the reasons you may never see The Rock again. So now JBL, the reason I stopped watching WWE is going to win the belt on the West Coast where he’s most popular.
I bring this up because as angry as TNA makes me at least I respect Christian Cage. At least we have a man who deserves the chance getting it. You shouldn’t have to be 6’5” and kissing someone’s ass just to get a run with the belt. Yeah Jeff Jarret once had a stranglehold on the belt but at least he’s the owner of his own company and is trying to create a legitimate alternative. So I’m extending the deadline one week and giving TNA some sympathy.
Final Rating: 7.0
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